Friday, May 21, 2010

Transformers 3 Might Not Suck

This is probably old news, but, hey, what do I care? This blog needs to at least pretend to look busy, so I'll babble incoherently about some random topic: Megan Fox was given the boot from Transformers 3.

This might be the only good thing Michael Bay has done so far. Really, I'm tired of his movies. The first Transformers was awesome because there were fighting giant robots. There's a general rule about giant robots: as long as they are not something stupid, like, I dunno, a flower robot (I am awful at creating something stupid at a moment's notice; do not judge me), giant robots are one of the seven awesomest things in existance (fire, guitars, aliens, robots, zombies, pirates, and ninjas; the creator of everything that ever was, is, and will be, the Fire Breathing Guitar Playing Alien Robot Zombie Pirate Ninja, is the awesomest thing ever, birthed Chuck Norris and Mr. T from some discarded belly button lint). Transformers 2 sucked because Michael Bay decided to have less giant robots beating the engine oil out of each other and more flat jokes and blatant racism.

http://thespotlightreport.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/skids-and-mudflap-01.jpg

To be fair, racism is really funny.

So what could Michael Bay possibly do to redeem himself? I'm thinking stop being a director forever, but here comes one of the next best things: Megan Fox is out of the picture.

I can hear you now. "Hey!" you say, "Megan Fox is hot!" I will not deny this. But it is also worth noting two things:
One: Megan Fox cannot act.
Two: Without Megan Fox, Shia LaBeouf's character will no longer be tied down by some dreary and cliché love interest. Hopefully he'll become less of a flat portrait because of this.

But! What if the movie sucks anyway (which is distinctly possible)? What if even giant robots shooting each other and a whole Manhattan city block smashing to the ground in a massive clusterfuck of awesome can't save this movie?
Well, we'll have no Megan Fox to ogle. It's a risky situation, folks, but it is one I feel we must roll the bones on and put our chips on the table and I am out of metaphors about gambling.

I swear I had better things to say.

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