I just found out I'm Only Here Because I'm Black So I Can Carry The Really Big Gun Guy from The Expendables is actually Terry Crews, aka Old Spice Guy. Suddenly, that movie became fifteen times more badass.
SO I'm going to try to be as coolly ironic and ironically cool as possible. Not like the real definition of irony, the new, ironic definition of irony. The cool version. The kind that uses words and phrases like "Sup man" and "'s it goin'?" and finds a way to add "bro" in everything. Like Broritos or Broblerone or broever. See? I'm starting broready.
But first, I need something to talk about OH I KNOW.
Let's combine the brolarity of me and everything about me with the wonders that is brolitics. I mean politics.
Specifically, how Bro York City isn't lettin' some sweet bros put up a mosque brocause it's not cool to have some Brosulims comin' in and buildin' a mosque up in Ground Zero, hear? But here's the dig, bro: the mosque ain't gonna be bronywhere near Ground Zero, got it? Bros will be buildin' shit up two and a half brocks away, and this bro don't see nothin' wrong with a couple a bros buildin' shit up into the wee hours two blocks away. Bros can be doin' what they want to do, bro.
See, here be the brottom line: when a couple a sweet bros want to broild brothing, the bros can't be declined because of the Sorry, No Brosulims Be Buildin' Up in Here if it's within Five Brolcks of a Brosaster Site Clause brocause it doesn't fuckin' exist. Bros can't be telling bros no brocause of that.
The broblem be that these broliticians are all like "Hey bros, we gotta be respectin' our first amendment, dig?" and then they're all like "Hey bros, we can't be lettin' these bros build their mosque here, it be disbrospectful!" So what we got here is a bad case of broblethink; we be sittin' here brolieving in our first bromendment and then we're not, dig?
I tell ya, Bromerica be fucked up, end uh story.
Chill, bros, chill.
(Why did I write this holy shit)